Updated: Jul 14
My whole process of becoming a Christian is very natural and simple to me. The story began before I landed in the USA last August. Through the airport pick-up service, I got to know Caleb Tan, Professor Michael, and Amanda Wang. From then on, I got to know Annie, Robin, Linda, and many other good friends in the Amazing Grace Fellowship(AGF). We spent many Friday evenings together singing, eating, and talking. Food is the part I love most, to be honest as I can only cook noodles at home. In the beginning, I think it might be my fulfill, an emotional and phycological need driven me to a familiar community. AGF definitely meets this need. It’s safe, diverse, and active. Together we made many fond memories for ourselves.
I was enlightened on two occasions when people shared their testimonies. One was from Forrest’s testimony. He shared how Jesus and the Holy Spirit transformed himself from an arrogant person to one who is introspective and honest with his weakness. This brings him to a brand-new world. I believe it is true as no one needs to reveal his history, the deep feeling, and even ugly thoughts to others. I believe he is genuine. I saw the great power of God to change man’s mind which is a tough job. Forrest also surprised me by the terrific drama show on New Year Eve. It was the prodigal son story. I cannot help to tear all the time. I felt that God looks like my mom given my life and willing to forgive anything I have done. I am also willing to be loved and forgiven by God. Another thing that shocked me was Frank showed us a Cal tech professor’s video about questioning the evolution theory. I never asked for any evidence of evolution and I never quite understood what the theory is about. Maybe I just want to feel smart by asserting this theory. Knowledge is about searching but religion is more about believing. I started to try to know more about the creation as well as Jesus' death for our sins and the resurrection process.
I enjoyed most of my time at USC. However, the internship-seeking process was really stressful. The career advisor pushed us really hard and set the timeline that we should all get internship offers before April. When my classmates began to get interviews and offers while nothing came to me. I became jealous of my classmates’ success. This led to unhealthy conversations and behaviors and destroy the friendship. The dark side beat the good side in me. I know it is not decent but cannot control it. I thought I was a good person but at that time I realized nobody could be consistently nice without the guide of God. The conversation with some close friends helped me. Annie, Michael, and Caleb also prayed for me to God. I also started to pray. I talked with God silently before bedtime. It helped me get out of the jealousy and self-blaming cycle and gave me the strength and courage to continue seeking jobs. Finally, I got not only an internship but also a full-time job offer which is far beyond my expectation.
When I thought this was a happy ending for my academic life, actually another test was waiting for me. My mom previously thought my uncle would surely lend us some money for my tuition fee. However, it turned out to be a daydream. My mother did not want me to know about this but I figured it out when I video-chatted with her. I felt miserable and helpless. I realized that getting a job was only a little part of my life journey. There is a long way ahead and there will be many difficulties I need to face in the future. I do not want to react to these situations and sins and become a person I do not even like myself. I do not want hate, jealousy, anger. I want to love and to be loved by God. I need the Holy Spirit to mold and guide me. That night, I felt like Jesus was knocking at the door of my heart. I decided to let the Holy Spirit in and received Jesus Christ into my heart as my Lord and Savior. It happened naturally as I said so at the beginning. The date was July 9, 2017. After that, the daily self-reflection has generally become my habit and I am more sensitive toward my sins and it helps a lot to omit many conflicts. I am still on my way to know God better. I like the sower parable in MARK 4:1-8. I would like the Holy Spirit to grow like a seed in good soil and be able to produce a crop that multiplies thirty, sixty, and a hundred times.